Dems Campaign For Republicans

Republicans need to reach across the isle and hug a Demoncrat. Liberals can't help but be the best campaign message in favor of Conservatives. It seems that every time they open their collective or individual mouths, not only do they stick their foot in it, they put everything else in it as well, including their Kennedy sized rear ends! It really doesn't matter what Republicans do, positive or negative. All that needs to happen in order for them to maintain control of Congress and the Presidency, is for Demoncrats to keep talking, and that's something that's not about to stop - they just think they're too important. The more they speak, the more America sees that they have no agenda, no message, and no plan. They are the "do nothing for nobody", party. The only thing they can claim as a common characteristic of their pathetic and tired mantra is their hatred of George Bush and all things conservative. Unfortunately for them, that's not enough to get elected. Oh sure, it gets the radical base in a frenzy, but it doesn't play well in commonsense laden, flyover country. It's really too bad that the liberal radio network, "Errant America" is failing so badly, more people need to hear it. The louder the left shouts, the more the good guys win.

Iranian Paradise

In an unprecedented move, the President of Iran, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (pronounced, death wish), confiscated every can of red paint in the region, and forced the citizens of Iran to paint a giant bulls eye over the entire nation. He said that the prophet Mohammad had appeared to him in a vision and revealed to him a secret plan for himself, and his followers, to meet Allah as quickly as possible. While to the civilized and sane world, this seems a bit extreme, to the faithful followers of the religion of pieces (body parts), this is a brilliant move. Now, the rest of the world won't have any trouble with sending President Deathwish to his rightful reward. Insiders close to President Deathwish have said that in his private revelation, Mohammad promised him more than the usual 72 virgins if he accomplished his task. In fact, if the entire country were sent to Allah, President deathwish would be given double the normal amount, 144 virgins! Also, as an extra bonus, he will receive a dozen sheep, 3 ducks, his 8-year-old cousin and his own mother for his additional pleasure. What more could a faithful Muslim want?! President Deathwish can't wait. Let's all pitch in and grant him his wish. He deserves it.