Friday, December 05, 2008


Hi everybody! I just got back from an extended stay in a bunker somewhere in northern Minnesota where I was bent over a missing ballot box and repeatedly Obamasized by a team of brown shirted acorn workers. The constant whining of Lilith fair music intermixed with an occasional Springsteen speech was excruciatingly relentless. At some point I began loosing consciousness and began to hallucinate. As I gradually regained my senses, I'm pretty sure I saw Al Franken goose stepping around the room screaming orders to the brown shirted acorns to continue with my re-education. I then saw him punch out an elderly grandmother, take her lipstick from her purse, smear it around his mouth and kiss a framed portrait of Barney Frank. I heard him softly whisper as he gazed into the 8X10, "Soon we'll be together my love; just a few more votes, I'll have my acorns make some more ballots". Just then one of the acorns saw that I had regained consciousness and resumed the Obamasization process. The pain was excruciating. They drilled me for days with Obama talking points, speeches and poetry written by women's studies majors glowingly extolling the many virtues of the Dear Leader.

I lost track of time, but after what must have been a couple of weeks, I slowly began to see the light. I found that it didn't matter that Obama probably isn't a US citizen, or that he got into Harvard Law School with sub par grades and powerful outside influence, or that his first book, Dreams of My Father was ghost written by William Aires, or that he consistently, throughout his life chose to associate with the worst radicals available from groups like the Black Panthers, The Weather Underground Terrorists, and racists like Jeremiah Wright, etc. All that slowly began to fade away and I began to see flowers, bunnies and rainbows. A new fragrance filled the room. The sharp corners of the ballot box I'd been chained to for so long, didn't hurt any more. I felt a strong urge to watch Rachel Maddow and Keith Olbermann and conversely, throw something at Sean Hannity. I found myself desperately reaching for my wallet to hand its contents to the first government bureaucrat I could find. Another bonus of my "training" was that my Sundays would now be free from the burden of church and any allegiance to God; Of course religion is a myth, how foolish I had been. Obviously millions of species of life came from nothing - wow, the left really had been right all along, I just couldn't see it. But now that I had been Obamasized, it all made sense to me. Thank you little acorns, thank you goose stepping Al Franken, you have made me see the light! Obama - the one, the answer, savior of the world, the perfect man, the messiah, my hero, my president, my god.

Hope and change and Yes we can!