Friday, December 05, 2008

Obamasized

Hi everybody! I just got back from an extended stay in a bunker somewhere in northern Minnesota where I was bent over a missing ballot box and repeatedly Obamasized by a team of brown shirted acorn workers. The constant whining of Lilith fair music intermixed with an occasional Springsteen speech was excruciatingly relentless. At some point I began loosing consciousness and began to hallucinate. As I gradually regained my senses, I'm pretty sure I saw Al Franken goose stepping around the room screaming orders to the brown shirted acorns to continue with my re-education. I then saw him punch out an elderly grandmother, take her lipstick from her purse, smear it around his mouth and kiss a framed portrait of Barney Frank. I heard him softly whisper as he gazed into the 8X10, "Soon we'll be together my love; just a few more votes, I'll have my acorns make some more ballots". Just then one of the acorns saw that I had regained consciousness and resumed the Obamasization process. The pain was excruciating. They drilled me for days with Obama talking points, speeches and poetry written by women's studies majors glowingly extolling the many virtues of the Dear Leader.

I lost track of time, but after what must have been a couple of weeks, I slowly began to see the light. I found that it didn't matter that Obama probably isn't a US citizen, or that he got into Harvard Law School with sub par grades and powerful outside influence, or that his first book, Dreams of My Father was ghost written by William Aires, or that he consistently, throughout his life chose to associate with the worst radicals available from groups like the Black Panthers, The Weather Underground Terrorists, and racists like Jeremiah Wright, etc. All that slowly began to fade away and I began to see flowers, bunnies and rainbows. A new fragrance filled the room. The sharp corners of the ballot box I'd been chained to for so long, didn't hurt any more. I felt a strong urge to watch Rachel Maddow and Keith Olbermann and conversely, throw something at Sean Hannity. I found myself desperately reaching for my wallet to hand its contents to the first government bureaucrat I could find. Another bonus of my "training" was that my Sundays would now be free from the burden of church and any allegiance to God; Of course religion is a myth, how foolish I had been. Obviously millions of species of life came from nothing - wow, the left really had been right all along, I just couldn't see it. But now that I had been Obamasized, it all made sense to me. Thank you little acorns, thank you goose stepping Al Franken, you have made me see the light! Obama - the one, the answer, savior of the world, the perfect man, the messiah, my hero, my president, my god.

Hope and change and Yes we can!

16 comments:

lobbier said...

Wow, that sounds like quite an ordeal. But fortunately it appears you came through relatively unscathed. And here I thought those damn lefties were against treating people like they were in Guantanamo or something.

I just got back from Saddleback Church myself. I have to say, going there anymore is a lot like what you just went through. It's nothing like it was back in the good ol' days. Back when me and Ted Haggard or "Art" as the guys in Denver called him, would make those monthly side trips over to the Mile High City for some well deserved R&R. You can't believe how much stress was created by running a megachurch and campaigning for George Bush at the same time. It's was a real bear trying to keep that "church and state" stuff straight. But let me tell you, a good male masseuse can take care of that little stress problem in the bat of an eye. Those guys will bend you over all right Scud, but it won't be over any ballot box. If you get my drift.

Well, I love to stay and chat a while, but I have to get on the stick. Have to rush over and help W do away with some more environmental laws before he leaves office. Then we'll be able put dump sites in the National Parks, shoot wildlife from planes and other good GOP stuff. Man, you just gotta love that guy.

You take care now Scud and try to stay away from the Minneapolis airport.

Sarah in 2012

sen. bs shebly said...

I would like to take this opportunity to address my supporters here on these two great blogs, Stormfront and the Hal Turner Show. As I'm sure you're already aware, our country is going through a serious economic crisis. Because of this, I've been in the news a lot lately, tirelessly working to solve this problem. Just reading the comments posted here on these two sites, shows me that you folks know who the real culprits behind this fiasco are. But I have to confess I'm a little concerned that many of the real Americans, people like yourselves, who frequent these two great blogs might incorrectly construe the true meaning of my recent words & actions. That of course would be pertaining to my opposition to financial aid for the so-called Big Three (domestic) auto companies. It's possible you may even be among those who think of these companies as being as American as the flag and apple pie. But if stop and think real hard about just what part of the nation the majority of this industry is located in and what kind of people work there. You might just be inclined to feel as I do.

Perhaps you've noticed, some of the proponents of this bail out have gone to extraordinary lengths to discredit me. Even so far as to insinuate that my opposition to this bail out is fueled by my expectations that the (transplants) foreign manufacturers, three (3) of which are located here in the Sovereign State of Bama, would benefit greatly by Detroit's demise. While it's possible, that the Big Three going belly up would be a windfall for these Bama based companies. I'll tell you now, that has never been my publicly stated goal. Just as my knowing that the auto industry is now basically divided between the Northern (domestic) union plants and the Southern (transplants) non-union plants. Would never, I say never, play a part in my decision to oppose helping those inefficient, outdated, doomed to certain failure plants somewhere up there north of the Mason-Dixon line. Because I'm an open-minded, straight shooting kind of fellow, you folks can always count on me to tell you like it is. With that in mind, let me tell you that I'm always looking at the big picture and I don't really view Mercedes, Honda and Hyuandai as being much different than the General Motors, Ford or Chrysler. Now some of you are probably saying, as a proud patriotic American, how can that be, how could you really feel that way? After all, aren't some of these foreign auto companies from countries that, not so long ago, engaged in a war with the USA. You might also ask, isn't it true that some of these same companies even made war supplies for the enemy? While the Big Three retooled and produced a large part of the equipment used by our military and allies to win that war? Yeah well, while all that is true, I say, I say you can't continue to live in the past.

But damn it, since the past has been brought up. As a proud Southerner I'm obliged to point out that the majority of that domestic automobile industry is located in a region of the country that once waged war against my beloved South. And by that, I mean that unforgivable crime, known down here as War of Northern Aggression. Now, though I may not be one of them, there are folks down here who have prayed for the day when the south could strike a blow of retaliation against the those damn Yankees. And they, I'm not saying I do, might feel that the time is now right for Dixie to exact a measure of revenge by taking advantage of this God given opportunity and sticking it to those northern auto workers. Why would they, I not saying I don't, give a rat's ass about those people up there? Hell they don't even vote right. Once again let me assure you, I'm not saying I feel hold any kind of a long simmering grudge against the north, but I know people who do. Many of them, not that I don't, didn't want it to be part of this country in the first place, the war of aggression left them with no choice. To some of them, not necessarily me, partnering to a union with the north has all the appeal of a shotgun wedding. So before you jump to any conclusions about me, remember that members of my political party have become extremely adapt at speaking in codes in order to thwart the PC police.

And as we like to say down here, always in fun of course. "Save your Confederate money, cause the South's gonna rise again."

Jeff said...

Scud: Sometimes I get the feeling that the only thing standing between you and a five state killing spree is some sort of Invisible Sky Wizard. If somebody's telling you that religion is a myth, I'll have my people call Obama's people and we'll get your indoctrination program altered.

Now repeat after me: "The earth really is 6000 years old. The earth really is 6000 years old..."

scud said...

Don't worry, I've been repeating that for years and it worked until now. Now that I've seen the light, I can see the error of my ways. It's so easy to believe that something came from nothing. Being on the left makes everything so easy! All I have to do is to suspend reality, believe in the impossible and if anyone gives me trouble, I just label them as inferior, ignorant, racist, phobic, small minded, etc. This is awesome! Thank you for your tolerance, inclusiveness, thoughtful understanding and gentle persuasion.

Jeff said...

Scud: Who believes that "something came from nothing"?

Richard "Big Dick" Hurtzer said...

It must be hard for Scud to type and strum his lips at the same time.

Jeff said...

If something came from "nothing" then "nothing" must have a property which permits that. "Nothing" can't be "nothing" if it has properties. Despite the difficulty, Scud does indeed strum his lips while typing....

Anonymous said...

Right you are Shebly. Screw those dam yankees.

JR said...

So The One has asked Rick Warren to deliver the invocation at His Royal Majesty's inauguration. What could the king of kings be thinking? Rick Warren? A Pastor who believes in God, reads the Holy Bible, and takes the Ten Commandments seriously? What does that have to do with America? Since when do Christian values and principles have anything to do with this country? One can almost hear the blood curdling screams of rage emanating out of gay bath houses from sea to shining sea. And it's not because of anonymous anal rape either. Poor Barney Frank is livid. He can barely muster an erection in his office he's so mad. If this country stands for anything, it should be for sodomy, entitlements, and foreign languages. I would think Oprah would have been a better choice. Or how about Spike Lee? Or Al Sharpton or maybe (hushed tones of reverance now), dare I say it? Jesse Jackson. How about a muslim? Said muslim could stand there with a quran and read to us all a few verses about how it's perfectly acceptable to kill anyone who does not believe what you do. A culture that embraces incest, rape, torture, female mutilation, and murder is really paradise on earth. Stop being so intolerant. Or, maybe just have a transgendered, spanish-speaking he/she do the invocation. It could stand there, preaching to us all about Hope and Change, while we all stare at it, agape, trying to figure which side of the fence it now resides.

Yes, the Master has made his first mistake and the Left is raging. I mean Obama did confess to being a born-again Christian at the Saddleback interview. That must have made liberals everywhere go into A-fib. It should be a show no matter what and I for one am enjoying the folly.

Speaking of folly, I thought that we all should offer congratulations to our resident blogger Jeff and his 5 year anniversary of contributing senseless diatribes at this site. Yes, it's Jeff: IT weenie, political analyst, social commentator, investment banker, sports analyst. He can do it all. And none of it well. Jeff, from the great state of Pennsylvania, home to Jack Murtha, Racists, and Retards. Jeff, who should be paying attention to his ex-Playboy Playmate of a wife but instead, spends his time googling on topics he knows next to nothing about in the desperate attempt to impress a bunch of uneducated liberal bloggers whom he'll never meet. I guess everyone needs a purpose in life. And, he is amusing to read and laugh at.

So, here's to 2009 along with our two best friends, Hope and Change. I sense a new beginning. A reason to rise in the morning. Nirvana is coming and I can hardly wait for the dawning of the New Age. (see also, sarcasm)

JR said...

This is JR, the Ultra Christian Patriotic American, and I'm back to clarify a few of my previous comments. First I'd like to point out, that just because I've kept abreast of all the intimate details of Jeff's life doesn't mean I'm stalking him. And Jeff, if you're reading this, those "unknown caller" phone calls that show up everyday on your Caller ID aren't from me.

While it's true that a person runs the risk of painting an unflattering picture of himself as being an intolerant bigoted racist, when he loads up a couple of negative paragraphs with words and phrases like these. Gay bath houses, Barney Frank, Oprah, Spike Lee, Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson, Muslim, Retards, transgendered and Spanish-speaking. But as a religious man, I would like to assure everyone that I couldn't possibly write anything truly negative. It was just my clever of being sarcastic.

Jesus H. Christ said...

Happy birthday to me. I don't really exist.... suckers.

Jeff said...

I like the fact that JR announced "This is JR" since the blog's author might not associate the "JR said..." banner with the comment beneath it.

He left out the fact that I prefer serve and volley but other than that, JR has me pegged. I was a - get this - liberal arts major. Jack of all trades and master of none.

Jeff said...

Poor scud. What little appeal Minnesota once had as a tourist destination is slowly slippinng away...

Anonymous said...

Good News!!! The recounts complete and Al's up by 255 votes.

Jeff said...

The Eagles win! Penn State wins the Big Ten! The Steelers have a first round bye! The Flyers are in first place! The Phillies won the World Series! Everything's coming up Pennsylvania, nothing is coming up scud ... except in the Senate where Franken wins!

Jeff said...

Jesus H. Scud: You got this whole Franken/Coleman (your guy's the non-Jew) thing going on in Minnesota yet we've heard nary a peep about how Franken stole the election. You truly are Obamasized...