Monday, June 14, 2010

Truth Be Told


If the teleprompter could force Bammy to speak truth, this is what he'd say tomorrow night in his first dissemination of propaganda from the oval office to all us common serfs and useful idiots.

"My fellow comrades, aahhh, I mean Americans,  Aaahh, duhh, I want all of you to stop asking tough questions and thinking that I'm not good at being president.  Remember how much you used to like me?  Well, ahh, do that again.  Aahhh, This oil thing is hard, and it's not my fault!  I, I, I, I, aahh was just down there and ahh it's hard to clean that stuff up.  So, just lay off!  I'm gonna kick some ass, just wait and see.  That'll fix it.

Aaahhh, anyway, here's the truth.  Look, that fact is, I'm really not the genius that you guys said I was.  The truth is, I was a pretty stupid kid, dumped by my dad who was a marxist leaning, pseudo intellectual who ran around the world impregnating anyone who would let him, then running away.  My mom was a white trash hippie who dragged me around the Islamic world following more jerks until she dumped me with her parents so she could run away from me too.  I was surrounded by communist activists, radicals  and Marxist sympathizers who I found cool and people whose ideas seemed comfortable to me.  In Hawaii I was one of the nerdy kids who others picked on.  Sure, I could try to play basketball but, like my father, I gravitated to and hung out with the pot smoking twits who constantly fantasized about burning down the country.  That just always seemed so cool!  Aaahh, anyway, somehow I made it through high school and got into college where I was an average student at best.  Luckily though, these radical Marxist types took a liking to me because of my hatred for the country and they helped me get into Harvard Law School.  I think they saw the potential of me being a good puppet and of course, I am.  Aahh, anyway, I was ushered into some prominent positions there without really having to produce anything.  These people propped me up so that I looked better than I really was.  I never even had to publish anything for the Harvard Law Review!  I just had to show up to meetings once in a while and pretend that I knew what the hell was going on.  It was sweet!

So I get out of law school, do a few guest lectures for some professor friends of mine and then I could call myself a law professor!  I never was but technically, I could claim the title!  Score!  Aahh, then I go and help some of my pals in ACORN in Chicago where my puppet masters told me to go and they'd have their "people" get me connected to the machine.  So after a short stint teaching morons how to staple poster board to wood sticks and march around in a circle chanting lame phrases, I'm told to run for a state office that had been all set up for me by the machine.  It was a cinch.  I basically ran unopposed for every office I ever tried for.  Again, I was able to look the part without really having any substance.  So I learned that all you had to do to make it in politics was to have a good ghost writer, read a teleprompter and do what you're told by the machine that put you there.

So, again, the truth is that I really don't know what the hell I'm doing.  How could I?  I haven't really done anything for myself my whole life.  I started my political career in a domestic terrorist's living room and supposedly didn't know who he was?  Duhh.  Then, I sat for twenty years in a church led by an anti-American Marxist pastor, yet didn't know what he said?  Duhh.  Then my buddies in the MSM covered for me during the election, I'm elected somehow as president and now, holy crap!  What the hell?  How am I supposed to handle this job?  I've never had a freakin' job!  Now, I'm supposed to do this?  Right.  Anyway, the best thing I can do is blame others, bomb a few towel heads now and then and try to look cool at every photo op I can find.  I mean, come on!  Have you seen how cool I look skipping down the steps of Airforce One?  Geez, I'm freakin' glorious!  What don't you rubes get about my overwhelming persona?  I don't need to have any knowledge when I look so good, right?

So quit asking hard questions and leave me alone.  I've only got two and a half years left, and there are so many golf courses to play.  Aahh, duuhh....Oh yeah, you little people get out there and soap a duck.  I'm gonna go kick some ass.  Then I've got a hole to plug, then 18 holes to play."

Hey mister Soros, was that good?  did I do good that time, huh, did I mister Soros?  Can I go out and play now?"

16 comments:

The Agent said...

As infantile and pathetic as this is, one can only assume that Scud wrote it himself. Another gem from a person who hopes "to create political advertising for conservative candidates and have time to write a book someday." Viewing this sad display as an example of your skill as a wordsmith. Immediately brings to mind this apt advice, "Don't Quit Your Day Job."

But on further reflection, you have narrowed your goal down to writing just for "conservative candidates". And considering how low the bar is for that, you probably do have a real good shot at making it.

Maybe the job offers will start rolling in real soon now.

scud said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
scud said...

Hahaha! Actually that's pretty good and probably pretty accurate. Look, I fully admit that it's not my best literary work, but hey, I'm a bit out of practice and it was late, so cut me a little slack. I'll try to do better next time. The fact remains however that this guy is so obviously over his head, even a committed marxist with the slightest amount of objectivity would have to admit that he is a colossal failure and a disaster for the country.

Anonymous said...

Don't forget that Bammy spent 140 days in Congress and voted "present" 129 times. What a decisive, brilliant leader. Absolutely the WORST PRESIDENT EVER. Stupid liberals still believe in the Hope, Change, and Chuckles tour.

JO said...

The Gulf disaster is Oboob's Katrina and he has failed miserably. The dems, libs, and MSM crucified W over Katrina but of course give Shit-for-Brains a free pass on the oil spill. Go kick some ass Bammy, we're all behind you 100%.

scud said...

Bammy's speech: worst ever! What a joke! simplistic platitudes and cliche's. another campaign speech. That speech was an impeachable offense.

DC said...

It was a pretty bad speech. But worst ever, Nah. Unless your hearing has just returned, after say an 8 year absence. Then you should be aware that Shrub has the "worst speech" title locked up for eternity.

Anonymous said...

Even over at CNN, land of the flat lining liberals, 47% say Bammy's oval office address sucked, 34% liked it. Bammy's overall approval rating: 42% somewhat approve of his performance, 57% disapprove. I love it, crash and burn Aileron Ears. Arrogant and incompetent, two really bad traits.

Anonymous said...

By the way, where's our resident Village Idiot, Jeff? The guy who said "this administration is doing fine." He also said "there's a lot to like about this budget." He seems strangely absent. Maybe he's basking in the glow of all the Hope and Change going on. I would fully expect him to be defending Bammy in a desperate attempt to explain how the biggest buffoon in U.S. history somehow got into the oval office.

scud said...

I think Jeffy is polishing his pelican.

Jeff said...

I don't know why anybody on this blog is upset. You got your precious spill. "Drill, baby drill!" wasn't just Sarah Palin's favorite bedroom exaltation. It was conservative energy policy. BP has rigs where it's difficult to fix mistakes so it can refuel the large penis compensation that conservatives call an SUV.

The states that are newly covered in oil are the very states that wanted to drill. The Redneck Riveria is home to overweight midwestern tourists and oil platform workers. We have refineries in the northeast, but no offshore wells. You know what you'll find out there? Wind farms.

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