Monday, December 12, 2005
Convicted mass murderer and Crips gang founder Stanley "Tookie" Williams will finally assume room temperature tonight by lethal injection at 12:01 PST. Due to 20 years of lifting weights at taxpayer expense, an oversized syringe will be used to deflate his oversized body and ego. A long line of Hollywood Celebrities will stand outside the prison walls loudly lamenting his unfortunate passing. He is, of course just another victim of the conservative movement's global conspiracy to rid the world of non-white, societal burdens. Leftist Hollywood activists and Democrat politicians are stating that the deflation of Tookie, a high profile system abuser, among other events such as the New Orleans levy "demolition" and subsequent flood, are further evidence of the Conservatives ultimate goal of Arian Christian domination. Mike Farrell, a so so, has been actor stated today that he had personally met with Tookie and had gone over all the evidence in his case. Farrell then stated that based on a role he once played as an attorney in a made for TV movie, had determined Tookies' innocence. He also stated that it really wasn't that big of a deal that Tookie had blown away 4 people. "After all", Farrell said, " They were just 3 Asians and a white guy." "Tookie was feeling oppressed by the man and was just defending himself, you can't blame him!" Tookie's deflated body will apparently be cremated so that the ashes can be used in cologne and sold to celebrities for $1000 per ounce. The exclusive scent will be called, "Tookie, The Stench of Death".