Saturday, December 24, 2005

Merry Christmas!

winter scene
Today is a great day in this greatest of nations on earth. We are truly a privileged people to live here in America in this time in history. Freedom is on the march throughout the world, prosperity is up, opportunity and innovation is everywhere and it's a great day to be alive. God is being celebrated throughout the Christian world, and we are reminded once again that Christmas is the time for renewal and love despite our differences. Merry Christmas to all!

16 comments:

Mr. Ithurtswhenipee said...

Merry Christmas Scud...........[and since he's listening]...Merry Christmas Mr. President.

Jeff said...

I had a Christmas Miracle. Jesus granted us a cold December and the local ski area had all trails open sooner than expected. Then Jesus gave us a balmy December 24th. While the oppressed Christian majority was in church, we enjoyed a day of spring skiing with asians and atheists. Of course this may have been the work of Ullr but I'll defer to Jesus on his designated birthday. Merry Christmas.

Nam Vet - Alabama Theatre said...

Thanks...and a Merry Christmas to you.

Anonymous said...

Merry Christmas to all. Pray for peace in 2006......

Jeff said...

Christmas lasts a long time over in flyover country. I expected a justification of the Bushie's data mining operation by now....

Anonymous said...

I know that scud likes military blogs; here's one for his bookmarks: One Veteran's Voice.

Bob said...

It's 6:18 AM and there's Jeff (Proud Member of the Delusional Community) slumped over his PC waiting for another blog from Scud to ruthlessly attack. What a waste of skin. But, hey, Jeff supposedly is a skier. Hard to imagine someone so screwed-up slamming the bumps on a double diamond. You never know, maybe he's worth something after all.

Scud, I wish you peace and prosperity in 2006.

bob said...

"Jeff Goes Skiing"

A short story by Bob

The day dawned balmy and clear. It was going to be a perfect day for Jeff (Proud Member of the Idiotic-Based Community) to hit the slopes with his buddies. Off they went, ready to do some serious damage to the mogul runs at the local ski resort. Jeff was feeling good. His confidence was high and he was going to make a performance statement today, no doubt about it.

Once Jeff and his buddies got to the mountain, it was straight to a double diamond run, no time to waste. Jeff said "dudes, like, I'm gonna kick all your asses today so stay otta my way!" Jeff's buddies just stared at him, totally inspired by Jeff's seemingly limitless energy. All of a sudden, Jeff launched himself and hit the mogul field with a vengeance. He picked a perfectly straight line, arms and hands thrust forward, his knees locked together as if they were riveted, he began blasting through the bumps. It was unbelievable. His legs were like pistons, absolutely tearing the run up. At the first catwalk, Jeff rocketed off the ledge, catching about 20 feet of air, and executed a beautiful iron cross. He stuck the landing and continued without missing a beat. His buddies just stood and stared, utterly mesmerized by the sight they were witnessing. In fact, everyone on the slopes stopped and beheld the spectacle of Jeff: the Asians, atheists, Jews, Christians, Muslims, paupers, princes, conservatives, liberals, pro-lifers, pro-choicers, the animal rights skiers and the animal abusing skiers all stood, completely confounded at Jeff's Torino-like athletic ability on the moguls. Toward the end of his run, Jeff hits the last catwalk and pulls off a magnificent birani. It was a flawless performance, worthy of the best olympic skier. Jeff's buddies slowly snowplowed down the slope, completely speechless. After about a dozen more runs, each more stunning than the last, Jeff turns to his buddies, "dudes, what say we hit the chalet for a couple of cold ones!" In unison, they reply "like, totally dude, sounds good." Off they go, ready for a little break in the action.

Back at the chalet, Jeff and his buddies sit silently, basking in the afterglow of a fantastic morning and quietly sipping their beer. Jeff, who is not only a world class freestylist but also considers himself a "progressive intellectual", seizes the opportunity to discuss some politics. He starts out slowly at first, touching on the Iraq War, terrorism, and the 2008 election. Soon, however, Jeff's voice becomes louder and he begins to slide into a full-blown lecture on the evils of the current Administration. Jeff's buddies, still speechless from the morning's activities, simply stare at him, slack-jawed, glassy-eyed, all nodding vigorously to everything Jeff says, as if they were bobblehead dolls on autopilot. Jeff has now crescendoed into a fever pitch, almost screaming at his friends, assaulting them with an endless barrage of liberal-contrived platitudes: "BUSH LIED, SOLDIERS DIED! BLOOD FOR OIL! IRAQ IS AN UNWINNABLE WAR! IRAQ IS CHIMPY'S VIETNAM! WORST PRESIDENT EVER! HALLIBURTON! RIGHTARDS SUCK!" On and on it went. His eyes bulging, spit flying from his mouth, face crimson, his carotids looking like they could burst at any moment, Jeff continued assailing his buddies with his political views. His captive audience, lost in the verbal attack, were now nodding their heads so fast that they gave the appearance of paintcan shakers from the local hardware store. Other patrons at the resort who had the dubious plight of being in the chalet during this onslaught were casting nervous and curious glances at Jeff. Some wondered if they were minutes away from Columbine II. Others assumed Jeff was drunk, bipolar, or suffered from Tourette's. Reminiscent of Adolph Hitler's voice while giving speeches (or Howard Dean), Jeff's voice had become gutteral, almost demonic, as he ranted and raved. Finally, coming full circle, he ended his hour-long diatribe by viciously attacking Conservative Christians, accusing them of everything from destroying the WhiteHouse to causing Irritable Bowel Syndrome. The silence was deafening. All the spectators were relieved and drew a collective sigh of relief. It appears they would live to ski another day. Finally, Jeff looks up, and with a smug grin says, "dudes, ready to hit it again?" Off they go, to finish the day with some more bump runs.

Jeff was just as phenomenal the rest of the afternoon. His aerial stunts were incredible: daffy twister spreads, double full full fulls, full double full tucks, and half randy fulls. And always, those piston-like knees on the bumps, absolutely stunning. Yes, indeed, it was a great day. Jeff left the resort that day knowing full well he had conquered it completely. Just like in any conversation, Jeff ALWAYS gets the last word in because he is always right, he annihilated those bumps from top to bottom. Later that evening, in the quietness of his home, Jeff logged into "blog day afernoon" and continued his attacks on the "Rightards" of the world. His brilliant political and social satire dancing from his fingertips. Yes, it was a good day. A very good day.

Jeff said...

That was a good story but there's just one problem. In Pennsylvania, Bush's approval rating is 35% (up a little from November). Among the people I hang out with, it's around 5%, among the skiers I hang out with it's zero. We spend very little time bitching about the President - it's like preaching to the choir. A typical bitch session is more like this:

[bitch session]
Did you see where Bush is data mining telecoms without a warrant?

Yeah, that fscker.
[/bitch session]

If anything, the contentious debate is whether or not Bush is worse than Nixon. I claim he has not reach that low, many of my friends disagree. Bush still has three years to change my mind. I wouldn't bet against him....

Anonymous said...

It's clear how bob spent his holiday. He didn't waste his time going to New Years Eve parties or watching bowl games. He passed his time indulging in his "Jeff" obsession.

Mr. Ithurtswhenipee said...

Sounds like Jeff has a secret admirer. I hope Boob had a kleenex, or old sock handy to catch his splooge.

Jeff said...

scud likes reading the posts of military men. Here's one from a marine airman in the combat zone.

Anonymous said...

FRANKKEN FOR SENATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mr. Ithurtswhenipee said...

I wonder why Scud hasn't posted anything new lately?...Maybe he's left Minnesota, and is on his way to Iraq to fight in Big Brother's war!!!.......nah, I doubt it.

bob said...

I have to say everytime I read my story on Jeff, I totally crack-up. I hate to brag but I've skied all over the world and I can handle most anything. Jeff, my guess is you probably suck on the slopes. You're too much of a dork to be much of an athlete.

Hey STD boy (Mr. Painful Urination), you're next. I'll work up a story on your miserable, pathetic life soon. Lock and load.

Mr. Ithurtswhenipee said...

Echoing the words of your role model for incompitance.....Bring it on.