Tuesday, November 08, 2005
Ah yes, another short break from the rigors of life spent in the woods of northern Minnesota attempting to rid this earth of more of "our mother's" fury creatures. Yes, it was the annual Deer Hunt; an American tradition where we sit quietly in a tree, sniper style, waiting for an unsuspecting Bambi to innocently walk into the crosshairs of certain death. "Man is in the forest". Patiently, I wait for just the right moment. Usually it is when Bambi turns his head and looks at me, wiggles his soft ears and slowly blinks his big brown eyes, signaling me that it's time to gently squeeze the trigger and instantly turn his internal organs into mush. Once again, man's supremacy is proven, and the world is in perfect balance.
This year, as I sat in my tree in the pre-dawn hours, waiting for Bambi and/or Faline to offer themselves to me, I couldn't help but notice the vast quantity of unspoiled nature that surrounded me. From the early morning, clear blue sky, to the endless groves of mature trees, I realized that "mother earth" seemed to be pretty safe - a virtually untapped resource. This compelled me to pull out the blackberry and email my well-connected friends in the Republican Party who inturn are joined at the hip (or at least the wallet) to all the major corporations of the world. I told them that it was time to get Neo-Cons everywhere mobilized to take action. We need to utilize these natural resources for profit!
Fortunately, the email chain has spread like wildfire and soon we will have our wish and turn those trees into toothpicks and Post-Its, the sky will be filled with the sweet amber clouds of industry, and the hills will hum with the sucking sounds of oil wells draining the black marrow from "mother earth" herself!
Ahhh, a Neo-Con's dream come true; killing unsuspecting herbivores, and plotting the demise and exploitation of nature for fun and profit. A perfect day.