Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Bambi Slayer

bambi slaying
Ah yes, another short break from the rigors of life spent in the woods of northern Minnesota attempting to rid this earth of more of "our mother's" fury creatures. Yes, it was the annual Deer Hunt; an American tradition where we sit quietly in a tree, sniper style, waiting for an unsuspecting Bambi to innocently walk into the crosshairs of certain death. "Man is in the forest". Patiently, I wait for just the right moment. Usually it is when Bambi turns his head and looks at me, wiggles his soft ears and slowly blinks his big brown eyes, signaling me that it's time to gently squeeze the trigger and instantly turn his internal organs into mush. Once again, man's supremacy is proven, and the world is in perfect balance.

This year, as I sat in my tree in the pre-dawn hours, waiting for Bambi and/or Faline to offer themselves to me, I couldn't help but notice the vast quantity of unspoiled nature that surrounded me. From the early morning, clear blue sky, to the endless groves of mature trees, I realized that "mother earth" seemed to be pretty safe - a virtually untapped resource. This compelled me to pull out the blackberry and email my well-connected friends in the Republican Party who inturn are joined at the hip (or at least the wallet) to all the major corporations of the world. I told them that it was time to get Neo-Cons everywhere mobilized to take action. We need to utilize these natural resources for profit!

Fortunately, the email chain has spread like wildfire and soon we will have our wish and turn those trees into toothpicks and Post-Its, the sky will be filled with the sweet amber clouds of industry, and the hills will hum with the sucking sounds of oil wells draining the black marrow from "mother earth" herself!

Ahhh, a Neo-Con's dream come true; killing unsuspecting herbivores, and plotting the demise and exploitation of nature for fun and profit. A perfect day.

13 comments:

Jeff said...

If you like killing bambi, then don't go to Kansas. Since they don't have evolution, they clearly have no deer....

scud said...

I think they probably have deer, but better than that, they have reason and comon sense! Finally, somebody had the brains to step in and stop the leftist propoganda campaign of evolution without design. Obviously, if you're going to teach one side, the other should also be taught. Isn't that the ideal of liberalism, fair and open debate of ideas without sensorship? Clearly, neither concept is provable, both are theories. Thank God for Kansas. And I'll bet there were plenty of deer assuming room temperature there too.

Jeff said...

Common sense held the world was flat long after Eratosthenes calculated its circumference several hundred years before your buddy Jesus walked the earth. It has no place in a discipline that requires empiracally testable results.

By "reason" I assume you refer to their underlying motive which seems to be a desire to get God in biology class. I'm not sure what tests they'll conduct, but lab class should be very interesting.

Your conclusion makes little sense, "if you're going to teach one side, the other should also be taught." That's like saying, if you're going to include football in Phys Ed class, then you should also teach linear algebra. As one expects Phys Ed to be limited to athletics, one would hope biology was limited to biology science. Unless we change the definiton of science, intelligent design isn't a theory. It's not even a hypothesis. How does one falsify the Designer?

Mr. Ithurtswhenipee said...

I didn't think the neo-cons dream was to shoot Bambi. I thought it was to wrap themselves in the flag, while other people go off to shoot brown people.

Anonymous said...

You rightards are un-freakin'-believeable. The worst thing is you think you're actually helping students by introducing non-science to science class. You want to teach "both sides" Yeah, science and idiocy.

Despite it all science will advance. It will be harder for kids in Kansas, but they'll advance too. In college they'll meet peers from around the world. Those students will understand scientific theory, they'll know the accepted theories and the importance of logical consistency. With hard word they'll catch up and overcome this unbelieveable tragedy. Some will even help advance their chosen fields. They will do great things DESPITE the Kansas Bored of Education, not because of it.

deerslayer said...

Blah, blah, blah. What endless, stupid drivel. Classic Lefty thought process: the pure joy of deer hunting turns into God-hating, Jesus-bashing, pro evolution, anti-Republican rants. What a herd of sh*theads. Are you pricks really this angry all the time? I bet none of you ever have gone hunting probably because your fathers were ashamed of the weaklings they raised or more likely, you have no idea who your fathers are. Now, back to what matters: Scud, opening day, one shot with my 30-06, one dead buck, he never saw it coming. It was sweet. Nice pic, ample Bambi harvest, kudos to you.

Jeff said...

I missed the God-hating, Jesus-bashing, anti-Republican part of this thread. Was it deleted? I'm not sure what you mean by "pro evolution." My position favors scientific standards that have been established for centuries. Anonymous appears to hold a similar position.

Republicans have fathers, liberals have dads. Mine was in 101st Screaming Eagles. Stalking a deer didn't provide enough challenge to hold his interest. He prefers water skiing, tennis and cycling; he had boards on my feet at a very young age. Like my brother and sister, I've since moved my game to the mountains.

Anger motivates me only on the tennis court. I hang out here because this blog makes me laugh. A lot.

Nam Vet - Alabama Theatre said...

I was undecided on the issue of intelligent design until today. Then I read what 'deerslayer' had to say. That resolved it for me. Had we really been intelligently designed, he wouldn't have been around to make that post.

Jeff said...

The Designer is really slacking off. Why did he architect my body as a eco-system for microscopic parasites and give my cells the capacity to mutate and divide uncontrollably? While were at it, an exoskelleton, wings and an extra set of arms would have been nice.

nate said...

The Designer created some people with more susceptibity toward disease, dumber and weaker than others. Because of these design discrepancies, life is considerably better for some than it is for others. ID is "survival of the chosen."

Really said...

It doesn't make sense to teach Intelligent Design in the classroom, especially where it would reach into the realms of religious belief. It is painfully obvious that the many religions out there cannot agree, so who's view would you teach anyway? Another thing I do not believe belongs in the classroom is any kind of assertion by science teacher or other that what they are teaching in some way disproves the tenants of someone's faith. Let them teach science. And if they are to teach on religion, let it be in history class, let it be historical and let it be fair.
All that being said, there are certainly scientific challenges that can be made. So let the scientist with opposing views make their case well and if their case is deamed worthy of note in the classroom, then let it be noted.

Jeff said...

aaron: can you cite a single instance in which a public school teacher told his class that evolution "disproves the tenants of someone's faith."

Jeff said...

[more than a week later...]

aaron: chirp, chirp, chirp

Jeff: I thought so.