Saturday, February 10, 2007

Run Al, Run!

Gorgasm
I think it is our civic duty as patriotic Americans to contact Al Gore and insist that he run for president. Since he will undoubtedly take home an Oscar for his "documentary", "A Convenient Myth", he should definitely parlay that glorious moment into his bid for the presidency, which was so wrongfully denied him in 2000. Unfortunately for Al, the evil cabal of conservatives on the Supreme Court and George Bush and his powerful oil industry friends stole the election away from the deserving Al Gore. Just think of how the election of Al Gore in 2000 could have changed everything. What a different world we would be in today.

First of all, Gore would have hopped on a glider (no green house gas emissions from those pesky jet engines), and gone over to Kyoto and signed the treaty. This, of course would have sent the US economy into a tailspin, virtually shutting down industry, causing huge job loss throughout the country and instantly relegating America as a second tier, former superpower, but hey, so what! Global warming would be all but gone and would no longer be the most threatening cataclysm facing the world since the Disco assault of the late 70's.

Next, Gore would probably have been able to stop the terrorist attacks of 9-11 by engaging in dialog with Bin laden and Al Qaeda and come to a mutually beneficial resolution. Maybe Gore could have negotiated an acceptable number of Jews and Christians to be slaughtered and sacrificed for the sake of the greater peace and the advancement of Islam. Also, maybe he could have convinced them to start using "earth friendly" bombs that don't have the same environmental impact as conventional explosives. But, if not, and the attacks happened anyway, I'm sure he would have responded with a number of presidential proclamations making Islamic sensitivity training mandatory, and would have established cultural awareness centers celebrating the life and teachings of the prophet Mohammed. There would be no war, the earth would be ecologically in perfect balance and peace and understanding would be the global norm. Oh please give us Al Gore! The world needs this man!

But the most appealing facet of a Gore presidential run would be the dirt he could sling Hillary's way. It would no doubt be the most entertaining campaign in our history. Just imagine a Demoncratic primary debate with Hillary, Gore, Edwards, Obama and the ever present and annoying Dennis Kucinich. This would be the funniest freak show ever seen!

Moderator: "Mr. Gore, Why do you think you would be a better president than your fellow candidates?"

Al Gore: "Well, I will save the environment, turn America into the socialist utopia that I've always imagined and make sure that George Bush and all conservatives go to re-education camps until they see the light of the secular progressive movement. Also, I've seen the real Hillary. Satan in a pantsuit! How can you trust a political whore who talks about integrity and the empowerment of women from one side of her mouth, but from the other, protects her political partner from the consequences of doing interns, campaign staff, friends wives and anyone else within arms reach? She's even more of a joke than I am!"

You know that he couldn't resist the opportunity for a little payback against "Hillbilly". In all reality, Gore probably would have been president in 2000 had Clinton had any class and dignity at all and done the right thing and resigned, making Gore a sitting president. But as we all know, the words Clintons and class are never found in the same sentence.

So run Al, run. At this point, the country needs a laugh, and you're it!

41 comments:

dowhatyouwantthelordwilltakecareofeverything said...

It must be tough for extremists like yourself to see the acclaim Al Gore is getting from the thinking part of the population. Especially when compared to the disdain being heaped on the ideas of Boy George, the hands down worst president this country has ever had. Not only is Al right about the environment, but unlike Bushco, he was right about the Iraq war too. The rest of your tripe is just a rehash of what you've seen on GOP-TV or heard from morons like Ann "the Man" and the Anal Cyst guy. Typical right-wing drivel not worthy of a response. Looks like you may soon have another "Al" in your future. Sen. Norm thinks so, notice how he's now distancing himself from the pathetic loser in the White House.

Here's a little environmentally related contest you might want to participate in. We need to come up with a new name for Montana's Glacier National Park. In 1910 there were 150 glaciers, today only 27 are left. The remaining twenty-seven are expected to be gone in about 20 to 30 years. An original name would be best and not something unimaginative like the Ex-Glacier National Park. My entry is The GWB "What Me worry" Memorial Park.

Al Gore said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
scud said...

Dear Rocket scientist,
20,000 years ago, there were glaciers in my back yard! Minnesota has 14,000 lakes thanks to glaciers receding due to... what was that term again?... oh yeah, Global warming! Crap, those dang Native Americans shouldn't have been using so much Freon to cool their teepees. Cripe! Go ahead believe what you want. I'm going outside to run my Suburban for a half hour to heat it up because the climate has warmed up to below zero up here. Gosh it must feel weird to be so simple minded and believe only what you're told by ideological propagandists like Gore.

George W. Bush said...

How could there be glaciers in Minnesota 20,000 years ago. Every good christian knows that the world is only 8,000 years old. Are you calling Jesus a liar, or are you just another science propagandist?

scud said...

Dear George,
Thanks for taking time out of your busy schedule to comment. I'm surprised you have the time to surf around and look at obscure blogs, but glad you did. I agree that the geological age of the earth doesn't necessarily fit with a Biblical accounting of creation and time. However, I know that there are many possible Theistic theories that fit this dilemma such as the "Day Age" theory. I can accept some of these ideas. The one thing that I do know is that there is no proof whatsoever of cross species evolution - no fossil record of transitional creatures. It takes a lot more faith to believe in the impossible than the faith it takes to believe in a Devine creator. So go ahead, "choose whom you serve".

The one fact that most thinking people should be able to agree on is that the earth's climate has, and always will change - primarily due to solar activity - and only an ideologue with an agenda and an insatiable need for relevance like Gore would think otherwise.

By the way, could you please secure the border? It's time to build the fence!

Good luck and happy Valentines Day.

Anonymous said...

Sounds like somebody's been readin' up on their Duane Gish bullshit.

dowhatyouwantthelordwilltakecareofeverything said...

Scud, first let me thank you for allowing me to believe what I want. That's a demonstration of tolerance out of character for a member the right wing. Usually with you guys, it's my way or the highway. Since you brought up rocket scientists. You must be aware you and that other Scud, the missile, have a couple identical traits. You are both loud and wildly inaccurate. It's always unpleasant confronting you with facts, knowing how much you detest them and that in all likelihood you will just decide to ignore them. But here I go again, I'll try to limit it to just one fact this time, I don't want to cause you any undue stress. Scuddy, unlike glaciers in Glacier National Park, that glacier in your backyard, 14,000 year ago, didn't melt in less than a 100 years. I don't hold out much hope you will be able grasp this dreaded fact. But the major concern is not so much with the warm up itself, but with the speed of the warm up.

It would appear from your answer to GWB. "I can accept some of these ideas." That as a self-proclaimed man of faith, you have chosen to cherry-pick the bible. Just as Bush himself did with the Iraqi intelligence reports. You guys just believe what works for you and ignore the rest. Then you proceed to dismiss evolution out of hand, because of what you say is a lack of physical proof. A desire for physical proof. A strange request indeed, from a guy who believes Lazarus was raised from the dead, Moses parted the Red Sea and Jesus walked on water. I just have to ask, where's your physical proof that even one of those things happened. That would be real proof, not the theistic nonsense like you offered up earlier to explain the age of the earth.

In the "about me" section of Scud's blog, he wrote This country's backbone is made out of people like me. In reality, an area located just inches below the backbone. Rather than the actual backbone itself, provides a much more accurate description of people like him. If you need physical proof that what I said is true. Scud provided that himself, when he expressed his contempt for environmental concerns by running his SUV for an extra half hour.

scud said...

Ha-ha! You guys are entertaining! Reading your inane attempts at reasoning helps to make a cold global warming winter go by quickly. First, Duane Gish is one voice of an ever-expanding choir of scientists that are now realizing that the simplistic theory of "evolution" just doesn’t cut it anymore. The more we know, the more evolution doesn't add up. But like I said, have faith in whatever makes you feel secure and "don't fear the reaper". Personally, I think secular progressives and atheists fear people of faith because of our faith in something greater than ourselves and our certainty in our beliefs. It's threatening. Therefore, secular concepts like evolution become their religion of choice. Good luck with that.

I'm going to start my truck again just for you.

dowhatyouwantthelordwilltakecareofeverything said...

"Personally, I think secular progressives and atheists fear people of faith because of our faith in something greater than ourselves and our certainty in our beliefs. It's threatening."

It was certainly a suprise, but I found myself agreeing with part of what you had to say. Let me clarify. It's not people of faith, a rare breed, we fear. What we fear are people such as yourself, the pseudo faithful. Misguided souls who use religion as an excuse to treat the world as they wish, no strings attached. Your right, you folks are without a doubt threatening, to everyone and everything, not just to " secular progressives and atheists".

I thought with business being so good, you'd have a heated garage to keep the truck in.

Anonymous said...

No, we fear "a person of faith" the same way we fear any lunatic who walks around doing whatever the voices in his head tell him to do reguardless of the consequences.

scud said...

Right, like Al Gore.

Dowhatyouwant, I'm guessing you don't really know any "people of faith". Sounds like you're believing the stereotype you've been fed by your lefty mentors who manipulate your little brain like Silly Putty. Try thinking outside your box for a minute. Listen to other points of view and try to accept that their just might be other answers than what you've been given by your agenda laden professors, hollywood, the main stream media and the comical, Al Gore. And yes, I practice what I preach. I listen to all points of view, I have an open mind, but our conclusions are very different. It doesn't mean that we have to hate or fear each other, just accept that there are more answers to complex issues like global warming than people like Gore are giving you.

maf54 said...

Happy Valentine's Day Little Scuddy. I still treasure our special times we had in the page's dorm. Hugs and kisses.

Jeff said...

Scud: It's unfortunate that the carbon emissions problem has been designated "Global Warming" by the popular press. That phrase makes it impossible for simpletons to grasp the problem. They open a door to their Minnesota homes and declare it a "global farce" because the air feels cold and, Sweet Jesus, there were glaciers in Minnesota just 10,000 years ago.

Here's the problem, please try to keep up. At the onset of the Industrial Revolution, the atmospheric levels of CO2 were at around 280 ppm. Since that time, they've risen to 380 ppm. At the current rate of emission, they will reach 800 ppm by the end of this century. Examinations of artic ice have not found concentrations that high in half a million years. Since CO2 remains in the atmosphere for up to 200 years, those levels will remain alarmingly high long after Jesus returns to march his army into Israel and kill the Democrats or whatever it is that he does.

(I'll address your "understanding" of evolutionary biology at a later time.)

dowhatyouwantthelordwilltakecareofeverything said...

Scud, your right, I don't know many authentic "people of faith", mostly just people like you who claim to be. Really, you don't need mentors to make these kinds of determinations. Just the power of observation. Here's observation at work. All one has to do is go back and take a look at your past comments. Then try to imagine how you could, with a straight face, write this. "Try thinking outside your box for a minute" and "I listen to all points of view, I have an open mind,". No one posting here, from the right or the left, can possibly be accused of promoting an agenda more forcefully than you. If you're the gold standard for an open-mind, then this blog is a hotbed of the open-minded.

Speaking of having an open mind. Sen. Ted Stevens of Alaska is concerned enough about climate change, that he's now in favor in raising fuel mileage standards. "I'm trying to protect my state," said Stevens, who recently called climate change "more apparent in Alaska than anywhere else." Those liberal politicans...more than likely he was duped into this change of heart by "agenda laden professors, hollywood, the main stream media and the comical, Al Gore". I do hope Stevens doesn't get wind of you vehicle running habits. He can be a spiteful old fart.

scud said...

Thank you Dr. Science! Pretty simple to Google Global Warming and get all kinds of lefty tripe that propagandists like Gore want you to accept as Gospel and get you to not search deeper for alternative views. What ever happened to independent thinking? There are plenty of Experts (unlike cubical jockeys like yourself - or "simpletons" like me) who have differing views on this slight climatologically variance. The basic thought is that there isn't conclusive proof that "greenhouse gasses" are the primary factor contributing to climate change. I guess there's this little thing called "The Sun" that has the most impact on the climate of old mother earth. You might want to put away Al's talking points and check into it. The problem for Al's agenda is that he can't affect policy or pretend to be relevant if the sun's at fault. It's a "convenient truth" that he needs a villain - American Industry.

Remember to email Gore and get him to run, it will be worth the laugh!

scud said...

Again, no one is advocating rampant polution. All kidding aside, I'm as big an environmentalist as the next person. I think Gore is dangerous and he's ramped up a frenzy of fear that's not founded in reality or science. The short summary of the large study just released was written by a bunch of policy and agenda driven beaurocrats from the UN. Not credible. The full report is not conclusive and is debatable by those who know what they're looking at.

antiscud said...

Scud, funny thing is, you keep warning us of the dangers of listening to Al Gore and most of the world's scientists. Their arguments aren't founded in reality or science, you say. Yet simultaneously you continue to put forth arguments based almost entirely on right wing drivel and the obscure research of some out of touch scientists. You encourage us to look elsewhere for alternative views, yet show no inclination to follow your own advice. Personally, to me, it's not surprising that you would rely on the "off the beaten path" element for your talking points. Your choice of politics almost mandates that course of action. For whatever reason, when it comes to the global warming discussion. You've hitched your cart to the people who have decided it's better to be a big fish in a little pond, than a little fish in a big pond. Absurd positions have always been a surefire way for people of mediocre abilities to be noticed. People like historians who deny the holocaust, medical professionals who insisted smoking wasn't hazardous to your health and the latest batch. Scientist who disavow global warming. Or more correctly, mankind's probable contribution to the problem. As sad as it is, that some people aren't above getting their 15 minutes of fame in this manner. It's sadder still, that among the uninformed they always find a ready audience.

One of the dumbest strawmen ever used by the right is the, bogus, environmentalist hate American Industry argument. Surely no one, with even rudimentary comprehension skills, is naive enough to believe that the goal of environmentalist is to destroy, not only their own, but also the livelihood of their friends and families.

When you said "I'm as big an environmentalist as the next person." you must of been talking about being tall or fat, right?

scud said...

Good one! Yes, phat.

Jeff said...

scud: Rising levels of atmospheric CO2 are well documented. Although you're response was somewhat strange, I assume your problem lies with scientifc theories that attempt to model climate change as a result of greenhouse gases.

For once, you have good reason to be skeptical of those uppidy heathens in white lab coats. You see, Jesus designed a complex climate just to make it difficult for us to predict what will happen with your SUV emissions.

While Jesus snaps his fingers and Bulldogs appear, fancy pants scientists are baffled by result loops and each attempt to model climate change produces more of them. Result loops can either reinforce warming or counter it. One glacier may recede and its runoff can cause another to expand. One region may dry up as another gets wetter. And clouds are wispy creatures that are hard to model. Unfortuantely, there appear to be more positive result loops than negative ones. Oceans absorb CO2 but warmer ones absorb less than colder ones. Warmer soil emits more CO2 than colder soil. As white ice melts, the earth's ability to reflect sunlight decreases.

You may naysay attempts to understand climate change but that doesn't alter reality. The earth is getting warmer as a result of greenhouse gasses. Will the result be a catastrophe or an unpleasent annoyance? We could resign ourselves to a self-imposed fate or we could take measures to reduce greenhouses gasses because why take chances with posterity's planet?

Anonymous said...

Facts, facts, facts. You know how I hate facts.

Mr. Ithurtswhenipee said...

Why would Scud care about posterity? After all, Jesus is due back any day now, and he'll fix everything.

Jeff said...

It's not just us "elites on either coast" who discount Minnesotans as morons or something. The Minnesota GOP thinks they're morons or something. The Minny GOP releases this "fact sheet" on Al Franken. It appears predicated on the fact that Minnesotans can't distinguish a joke from, I don't know, non-jokes.

Given what Scud deploys as humor, it'll probably be successful...

mr. ithurtswhenipee said...

Jeff, thank you for last night. That phone call was the most intense experience I've ever had. You are so special. Call me again you sweet little man, I've got some new tricks I'd like to try.

jeff said...

You got it bigboy. My barren, crappy-tennis-playing wife is out of town so we'll have tons of time. Talk to you soon big guy.

Anonymous said...

Lib dem trailer trash.

dicklesscheney said...

I see the Neocon with the multiple personalities is back.

Mr. Ithurtswhenipee said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Mr. Ithurtswhenipee said...

Sorry Jeff, I can't make it over to your place this weekend 'cause Mrs. Scud wants to toss my salad again. Catch ya later.

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