Thursday, September 11, 2008

Obamassiah Teaches Kindergartners


Obamassiah took some time out of his busy campaign schedule to visit a local kindergarten and talk about his commitment to early childhood sex education. "The One" has taken some heat recently because of his support of a bill in the Illinois legislature to push sex education to children as young as kindergarten age. In response to this flap, Obama decided to make an unscheduled stop at the Happy Rainbow Kindergarten School in Chicago to address his feelings about this issue.

As the motorcade whisked into the small parking lot of the rainbow painted brick building, Principal Joy Sunshine McTreehug greeted the entourage at the door. Soon the entire school of motley little tikes gathered in a tight circle surrounding the lanky guest lecturer. Little did these innocent minded students know that they were about to be schooled by the savior of the new world.

After a few witty words read from a note card, and a few toothy grins to warm his diminutive audience, "The One" got down to the real meat of the issue and began extolling the many virtues of sex education to small children. Little smiles and sparkling eyes instantly turned to shocked expressions of horror as the savior's pants dropped to the floor and he began demonstrating the many intricacies of autoerotic asphyxia. Some children turned to run, stricken with panic and fear but were only met with stern admonishment from principal McTreehug and told to pay attention. Several children could be heard softly sobbing into their hands; others stared in disbelief, presumably stunned and in a state of shock. Obama danced around the center of the circle of dazed and damaged kids with graceful dexterity; making sure all could see his demonstration and hear every word of instruction. When he finished he asked for questions but apparently his professorial skills were so great that no further explanation was necessary. Since His mission there was complete - another group of children would be spared the torture of a boring childhood consisting of bike rides, playgrounds and macaroni pictures - He pulled up his pants and said "you're welcome", and then retreated to his limo.

One can only dream of how much good the Obamassiah administration will bring to the world.

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

You know Scud, a lot of the time what you write can be considered entertaining, in a wacky, crazy uncle kind of way. But this thing, was about as disgusting a display of perversion as was possible to come up with. Did we just witness a demonstration of what you think of when you are around a group of small children? I feel embarrassed for you.

scud said...

Thank you for your empathy. The only thing I think about when I'm around a group of small children is how to protect them from a morally confused Marxist like Obama. And then I look through their lunch boxes to see if I can steal a Snack Pack or a Twinkie.

Jeff said...

Scud: you understand that at the Kindergarten level the policy is to teach them how to avoid predatory adults. And your problem with that is...?

nambla4life said...

I agree with you Scud. Kindergartners are totally hot.

scud said...

I think we need to teach them to run when a moral midget like Obampra comes within a mile of a school. There is a difference between what the legislation intended and what it potentially allowed. Another argument in favor of home schooling or vouchers. Democrats have destroyed public education because of people like Obama and their well intended, but confused politically correct, moral equivalence and leftist indoctrination. They want to protect children, but sexualize them to do it. Duhh.

Jeff said...

Scud: We disagree on just about everything. I'm unarmed and pro-choice whereas you think I'm girlie cos I don't own a gun. Still, I would have thought we could have found common ground here. Yet you get defensive when some suggest we teach children to protect themselves. I find that odd. Very odd indeed...

Anonymous said...

Children, for your own saftey, avoid all contact with the Mn. man with tape on his face.

scud said...

Sure, protect children with early sexualization, but 4 times, vote against and block legislation to allow failed abortion surviving babies medical care. Hmm, can you say infanticide? Obama = another loss for the dems. You guys chose your Koolaide, keep drinking.

a. real christian said...

If the aborted fetuses can't survive after being removed from the incubation process, then I guess Jesus meant for them to die. It's all part of the Master's plan. Amen.

Jeff said...

Scud: Have we seen a preview of John McCain's economic stewardship? This week has been nothing but a dismal performance. He began with "the fundamentals of the economy are sound" then backtracked in the face of backlash. From there he tried to cast himself as a regulator. Any evidence to support that notion? Next he ranted about how AIG should not be bailed out only to learn that his party planned to bail them out. Next he bursts a blood vessel over executive pay and golden parachutes. A recipient of those perks stood beside him. Carly Fiorina paid him back when she said neither he nor his running mate could run a major corporation. Don't worry. The above is now overshadowed by his comments about the Spanish prime minister....

funinthesun said...

We, a group of American fundamentals were planning a trip to Rio next spring for a little R&R. We had all the details worked out and were just about ready to book the trip. When, thanks to John MCain, we found out that Spain is now located in Latin America and not Europe. Now everything's up in the air again, since some of the group want to call our Travel Fundamental and switch our Latin American trip from Brazil to Spain.

There is one small item we could use some feedback on before actually making the switch. Though we're grateful to John, Sarah and their staff for pointing out Spain's new geographical location in the world. I must say, at the same time it came as quite a shock to us, to find that they consider Spain an adversary and not a friend to the U.S. For a number of naive reasons, we had assumed Spain was a friendly country. After all, they're a democracy, a member of NATO and even have troops helping the USA in Afghanistan. Is it possible they could still be holding a grudge over the Spanish-American War? Scud, please help some fellow fundamentals out. Is it safe for a group of us to go south of the border and visit Spain?

scooterlib said...

If facts interest you at all, check out what John McCain has to say on the subject of banking and healthcare in the Sept./Oct. issue of Contingencies, the magazine of the American Academy of Actuaries. If you're interested in what he had to say, but would rather not spend the cash on the magazine. I'll save you the money and post McCain's comment on the wonders of market-based healthcare reform. If you're a republican and don't want to know what he said, stop reading now.

"Opening up the health insurance market to more vigorous nationwide competition, as we have done over the last decade in banking, would provide more choices of innovative products less burdened by the worst excesses of state-based regulation."

Of course, as we've all learned over the last few days, deregulation worked out just peachey for the economy. You have to understand, John made that comment several days ago, while still a devotee of the Phil Graham theory of deregulation. Since then, he's had yet another change of heart. Now Phil's out and he's an admirer of those nasty ol' FDR style regulations.

Onward rolls the McCain Double Talk Express!

Liberal said...

You're terrified of The One, are you not, neocon? How dare you speak ill of our messiah. I was at the DNC in Denver and I'm not ashamed to say that when our leader walked on to the stage, my knees gave out and I collapsed on the floor, weeping like a child. Just seeing this man in person was a life-changing event for me. He is my savior, my reason for living, my hope, and my dreams. There were others around me during his speech who were so mesmerized, so enchanted, so fixated, that they could not even leave to use the facilities. So they sat in their own filth, too transfixed to move. No cared about the stench. No one even noticed their fecal matter draining into their shoes. The One was speaking. His voice, like thunder from the heavens, booming out to the congregation. His brilliant smile, his boundless energy, his charisma, it was the most beautiful experience of my life. This man will change the world. I will follow him no matter what. We liberals will soon control the White House and Congress and like a black stain, will utterly and completely crush this country. With Obama leading the charge, we will destroy all the traditional institutions that have kept us down through the years. Nothing can stop us now. So bend over and grab your ankles, neocon, you're in for the ride of your life.