Thursday, September 11, 2008
Obamassiah took some time out of his busy campaign schedule to visit a local kindergarten and talk about his commitment to early childhood sex education. "The One" has taken some heat recently because of his support of a bill in the Illinois legislature to push sex education to children as young as kindergarten age. In response to this flap, Obama decided to make an unscheduled stop at the Happy Rainbow Kindergarten School in Chicago to address his feelings about this issue.
As the motorcade whisked into the small parking lot of the rainbow painted brick building, Principal Joy Sunshine McTreehug greeted the entourage at the door. Soon the entire school of motley little tikes gathered in a tight circle surrounding the lanky guest lecturer. Little did these innocent minded students know that they were about to be schooled by the savior of the new world.
After a few witty words read from a note card, and a few toothy grins to warm his diminutive audience, "The One" got down to the real meat of the issue and began extolling the many virtues of sex education to small children. Little smiles and sparkling eyes instantly turned to shocked expressions of horror as the savior's pants dropped to the floor and he began demonstrating the many intricacies of autoerotic asphyxia. Some children turned to run, stricken with panic and fear but were only met with stern admonishment from principal McTreehug and told to pay attention. Several children could be heard softly sobbing into their hands; others stared in disbelief, presumably stunned and in a state of shock. Obama danced around the center of the circle of dazed and damaged kids with graceful dexterity; making sure all could see his demonstration and hear every word of instruction. When he finished he asked for questions but apparently his professorial skills were so great that no further explanation was necessary. Since His mission there was complete - another group of children would be spared the torture of a boring childhood consisting of bike rides, playgrounds and macaroni pictures - He pulled up his pants and said "you're welcome", and then retreated to his limo.
One can only dream of how much good the Obamassiah administration will bring to the world.