Wednesday, September 14, 2005
Feinstein Gets to the Point
Senator Dianne Feinstein, Democrat from California, made an impassioned plea with soon to be Chief Justice, John Roberts to preserve the sacred right of every woman to choose abortion as an alternative to childbirth. Breaking with committee tradition, Feinstein left her chair and climbed atop the large hearing room table and proceeded to pace back and forth while speaking in a shrill tone, gesturing wildly with her hands.
"For me to support you as Chief Judge, you must promise me that you will do whatever it takes to preserve the sacred right and privilege that is every woman's, to be able to have the federal government sanction the abortion of a child, I mean meaningless mass of cellular tissue." She continued, "It has always been my highest honor and goal to fight for the continued ability for all women, to know personally the joy and elation of scrambling a baby's brains and then to have its lifeless and mangled body take its rightful place in the medical waste container. The thrill of hearing the Vaccusuck 3000 whir into operation, about to snuff the worthless life growing inside you into the sink, is music to every liberal's ears. It makes me very proud to know that since Roe vs. Wade, we have been able to extinguish over 40 million children, thus saving this country the waste of educating them and having to endure the hardship of watching them grow into contributing members of society, or worse, Republicans!" she shrieked. "Government supported infanticide is one of our greatest achievements, and you'd better not take that away from us!" she screamed. As she was about to continue, security guards, from behind the table, were able to sedate Ms Feinstein with a tranquilizer dart, which struck her in the left buttock. She yelled one final statement as she slumped to the tabletop, "Let us kill...”. Her words trailed off as she slipped into a deep sleep.
As she was being carted away, Senator Kennedy was overheard talking to Joe Biden saying, "Well at least she got to the real point. Killing babies is really all that matters. As long as this guy [Roberts] allows us to continue doing that, we're fine with him". "Gawd, I love a good abortion!" Kennedy said. "It's almost as good as making my own snuff film in the river", he added. Biden nodded in agreement, with a misty, prideful gleem in his eyes.